FAQs from Columbia Applicants

By michaelcorleone in Columbia University - Class of 2010 on Oct 09, 2009

I get questions from prospective Columbia Law School LLM applicants, and I thought it might be useful to put down the questions here, and my answers.

Q. What do they require among applicants?
A. Columbia generally requires you to be an honors graduate and to have at least one year work experience. This work experience requirement can vary. i heard that they don't require dutch candidates to have any work experience, because no one from the netherlands does an llm after they start working, so their pool of applicants from the netherlands will not have any work experience. but i guess most folks here all have some work experience, so I suspect they will require work experience in general. Of course, publication, law review experience, Nobel peace prize awards all help.

Q. I checked out Columbia's website, and it says that the LLM program is generally restricted to honor graduates of their respective law program. Do you know of any students that were admitted despite not having those grades?

A. Of course, admissions are very competitive; there were 1600+ applicants for 220+ seats, so just try anyway, and show that you have done something special apart from school.

Q. How is the scholarship and financial aid situation in Columbia?
A. Columbia does provide financial aid in the form of partial discounts to tuition.
There are other funding opportunities you can explore, such as Fulbright.

Q. How helpful is Columbia when it comes to helping students look for other financial resources?
A. If you look at Columbia's website, they have information on other sources of funding that you can look at. Apart from that, Columbia will not look for funding sources for you, you'll have to go hunting on your own.

Q. What did you put down in your personal statement?
A. My pre-LLM background is a bit fragmented. BS and JD, worked for 2.5 years in corporate firm, LLM in an exotic city for a year, 6 months UN internship, so my PS had a lot to do with explaining why I made those jumps in my career! I also indicated my post-LLM plans, how a Columbia LLM fits into that, and the classes I wanted to take.

Q. It would be REALLY helpful for me to see a copy of your personal statement. Can I take a look at it?

A. Sigh. Okay, see below:

What the fuck people! I need a motherfuckin LLM, and I have a resume that says I am fucking fit to be your goddamn commencement speaker of the graduating class. I have applied to a ton of LLMs in here, and not one of them responded (not even an “application complete email”), WHAT THE FUCK?!

Personal statement? Here's my fucking personal statement!

Now, I'm really low on financial aid now, and I'll suck a dick if I have to...that's right!

Got a bear in your backyard that keeps eating your garbage? I'll fight that motherfucker and I'll win! Can any other prospective LLM candidate say that?! FUCK NO! What'd you say? You lost your keys to the school? FUCK IT! I'll shoot the goddamn lock off your door with my laser eyes! That's how bad I need a motherfuckin LLM! Your brother is gay and you're not cool with that? I'll de-gay him with reverse buttsex. Don't believe me?! Then accept me (with financial aid) and I'll fucking show you!

OBJECTIVE

I need a motherfuckin LLM.

SHIT I HAVE DONE

-I invented the moon.

-Atlantis was around til 1988, but sunk when I shot out of my mom's vagina like a silver bullet into a wolverine.

-I am also a wolverine.

-Had sex with the Spice Girls.

-The Socratic method was originally my idea until that bastard Roscoe Pound stole it.

-I have prophetic visions of the apocolypse.

-Watched the movie "Legally Blonde" at least 18 times.

-Created a new genre of dance in which people get so into it that radiation waves pulsate off of them, I like to call this the microrave.

-I reverse engineered a door, I now know how it works.

-When I was 8, a frisbee flew into my backyard and I blew it up with my mind.

-My brother is the Eiffel Tower

-Direct descendant of Edward Cooke and William Blackstone

-Can make weapons out of anything, very useful in the classroom

-Beat my pornography addiction when I was 19

-Proficient in Microsoft Office and Photoshop

RELEVANT WORK EXPERIENCE

GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doing

POSITION: Legal intern

DUTIES: Setting up sex scandals in which to blackmail wealthy politicians, forwarding email, burning down the houses of the poor, loan sharking, answering phones, greeting clients in a manner that would frighten most people

PUBLICATIONS

Corporate Law, 1986 (fucking Robert Clark stole my draft)

Little Brown & Co.

REFERENCES

Glomgor Evil

GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doings

gorlock@peanutbutternipples.com

Sloblor the Muck Monster

GreenHate Enterprises

sloblor@greenhate.com

So, now that you know the real me, are you gonna get me into class of 2009-2010 or not? I would like to remind you that I can make weapons out of anything.

Sincerely,

michaelcorleone

remember.....anything.

Comments

Banana Pie, Jan 16, 2010 11:03

Hey Michael,

Your post is hilarious! Thanks for that.

Seriously, if you can't figure out how to write a personal statement (either from google, mentors, friends etc) then should you really be (or thinking about) doing an LLM?

Cheers!

PUCCA, Oct 10, 2009 02:22

Dear friend Michael are you under a lot of stress hehehe

I also watched legally blond around 19 times i should have included that in my personal statement hehe

It was funny and i know its not nice when people ask you to see your personal statement. One guy from the llm forum did and i must admit i sent a structure of what i had more or less included,,nor the actual writing for just a step by step thing i did for hi,,,i didnt even know the guy,,maybe im just pla dumb and he convinced me after a long message telling me how he didnt have internet connection at home and that it was difficult to internet in Africa and well i helped him,,,,still waiting for him to say thanks.

Bye bye and good luck in Columbia :)