... you can use this for your PS. Found the original version on Craigslist (original version by Steve Madonna) but I adopted it for purposes of LLM Application.

* * * * * * *

What the fuck people! I need a motherfuckin LLM, and I have a resume that says I am fucking fit to be your goddamn commencement speaker of the graduating class. I have applied to a ton of LLMs in here, and not one of them responded (not even an application complete email), WHAT THE FUCK?!

Personal statement? Here's my fucking personal statement!
Now, I'm really low on financial aid now, and I'll suck a dick if I have to...that's right!
Got a bear in your backyard that keeps eating your garbage? I'll fight that motherfucker and I'll win! Can any other prospective LLM candidate say that?! FUCK NO! What'd you say? You lost your keys to the school? FUCK IT! I'll shoot the goddamn lock off your door with my laser eyes! That's how bad I need a motherfuckin LLM! Your brother is gay and you're not cool with that? I'll de-gay him with reverse buttsex. Don't believe me?! Then accept me (with financial aid) and I'll fucking show you!

OBJECTIVE
I need a motherfuckin LLM.

SHIT I HAVE DONE
-I invented the moon.
-Atlantis was around til 1988, but sunk when I shot out of my mom's vagina like a silver bullet into a wolverine.
-I am also a wolverine.
-Had sex with the Spice Girls.
-The Socratic method was originally my idea until that bastard Roscoe Pound stole it.
-I have prophetic visions of the apocolypse.
-Watched the movie "Legally Blonde" at least 18 times.
-Created a new genre of dance in which people get so into it that radiation waves pulsate off of them, I like to call this the microrave.
-I reverse engineered a door, I now know how it works.
-When I was 8, a frisbee flew into my backyard and I blew it up with my mind.
-My brother is the Eiffel Tower
-Direct descendant of Beowulf
-Can make weapons out of anything, very useful in the classroom
-Beat my pornography addiction when I was 19
-Proficient in Microsoft Office and Photoshop

RELEVANT WORK EXPERIENCE
GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doing
POSITION: Legal intern
DUTIES: Setting up sex scandals in which to blackmail wealthy politicians, forwarding email, burning down the houses of the poor, loan sharking, answering phones, greeting clients in a manner that would frighten most people

PUBLICATIONS
Corporate Law, 1986 (fucking Robert Clark stole my draft)
Little Brown & Co.

REFERENCES
Glomgor Evil
GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doings
gorlock@peanutbutternipples.com

Sloblor the Muck Monster
GreenHate Enterprises
sloblor@greenhate.com


So, now that you know the real me, are you gonna get me into class of 2009-2010 or not? I would like to remind you that I can make weapons out of anything.

Sincerely,

(insert name here)


remember.....anything.

Good one.

Where's Bender when you need him to say something mildly condescending but highly entertaining and witty.

"That's over 500 years of scholarly smackdown... if you smell what Oxbridge is cookin'"
Awesome.

.